Satire

Why Kids Need Smart Phones

     Every day we see more and more young children with access to smartphones.  This constant exposure, practically starting from birth, will craft them into technological masters.  They will be so in tune with their phones, computers, and tablets, that they will not be able to leave the virtual world.  They will be able to do anything and everything they want, wherever and whenever they want.  They wont even need the company of other people!  They will already be experts on their friends lives through social media built into their devices.  This generation of kids will be proof for the future that no amount of technological use is too much.
     All over the country, astounding reports of technologically savy babies are making headlines.  When babies cry, their parents have recently been consoling them with smartphones.  As the babies grow up, they learn to navigate the phones.  Before they can talk or even walk, babies can open phones, go to their favorite apps, and entertain themselves.  This generation is obviously experiencing the technological revolution in education.  While previous generations were stuck on square pegs and round holes, the smartphone generation is miles ahead.  The technology is actually making them smarter.  Soon, schools will be just a meeting place for students, as teachers will become obsolete.  These super children will know exactly what to do and will do it without complaint, just because their smartphones told them to.  It's almost the perfect system.
     It is almost the perfect system because even this system has its problems.  Why send the kids all the way to school?  Thats a lot of hassle and wasted energy.  Also, those other kids could be sick, dumb, or even dangerous non smartphoners from backwards stuckup families who think the old ways were better.  The obvious solution is to let kids stay at home in their beds, woken up by their phones and ready to start school.  They dont even need to move, spending all morning and afteroon learning form their best friend, their phone!  "That's too much", you might say, and you are right, that is too much work.  Waking up and doing things all day gets in the way of kids just being kids.  Maybe the old ways are better.  I propose the truly perfect solution.
     When these babies are born, why give them smartphones when they could just become smartphones?  Immediate, mandatory computer implatation.  This way, kids could experience the world like they were meant to.  Parents, if they so choose, could turn on location services and know where their kid is at any time of the day or night.  Kids would no longer need school, they would just need to restart every night for about  eight hours and update their brains with the knowlege alotted for that day.  Over 18 years, kids would be given a basic set of skills in every field, and after that, they could choose what to download every night.  If they wanted more data, all they would need to do is sleep longer.  People would be left to enjoy their lives without the burden of forgetting things and looking at their phones.  This is what society needs to strive for.  This is what we are currently working towards.  How long are we going to have to wait before our phones, our figurative babies, become our literal babies?  That would sure make things easier.